this has to do with a conversation from the scioly.org discord. it was too many characters to be sent via there so im sending it here and sending the link to discord. we 
you azboy.
disclaimer: this was was written for a certain person, but it applies to anyone reading it.
@azboy, you are one of the nicest people on here (and that's saying a lot). the way that you don't think you're smart or kind makes me really sad because i wish you could see what we see in you. i just want you to know that i am always tired so if im spending time to do something like this for you (takes a lot of motivation for me to do things), i want to do it. i might do this a lot on here, but do you think i write these paragraphs of appreciation on my friends' group chat or to my teachers? no. i do it because i appreciate the people here even if they have not directly helped me. you are a prime example of what i mean. you may not know you've helped, but i know you have helped me. i also completely understand what you mean by you're constantly bothering everyone! that is a normal feeling but the fact that im not bothered doing this makes me hope that i dont bother everyone else too much when i do it! so i hope that gives you hope too.
because this helped me to see what i gave vs what i took from the community i'll do it for you: your positive traits versus your negative traits (or what you give to the community:
positive:
- you ask questions about circuit that other people would have been too scared to ask and helped many people understand the subject more such as me (i used to be too scared to bother people but you asking questions a lot gave me courage!)
- you lift me up when im feeling down, just even saying a few words when im feeling down and im having a bad day and im talking about it makes my day much better
- talking about how you did bad in your events does sometimes make me feel a bit better about me doing bad (but self deprecation is still bad >:(
- you bring a lot of happiness to the discord: even when you think youre being annoying like during these conversations, it makes me happy to know im maybe helping someone and you still bring much more happiness than negativity.
- doing things like answering the question marathon helps other people know what to study and teachers them
- writing tests, even just the one soccoro one helps advance learning of others'
- talking about your problems helps people. you think you annoy people but tbh you make people like me feel less alone with their problems.
negative:
- sometimes you might make a mistake and say something wrong- it's happened to everyone! everyone knows, ive made some controversial comments and been rude quite a few times before. they still have me on the server and they still help me out which means my positives must be greater than my negatives.
- tbh it was very hard for me to think of negatives. you
do not annoy me or anyone else by talking about your issues it even helps me for you to talk about it! (sometimes makes me feel like im doing something with my life). I am very apathetic to some things which means that if i wanted to go, i'd leave. i would just leave and sleep. but say you did annoy people,
even though you don't. so what? if you dont let your issues out, then theyre just gonna get worse and hurt more people. and these are people you'll probably never meet, most of which dont know who you are or what you look like. better here than in a school group chat/discord, right?
in total, your positive contributions to the community far outweigh your negative
i'm right with you, az. i know how much it hurts and how you always feel like you're annoying people. you're not. i dont know how to make that clearer, but i'll scream it until you understand it man.
on the topic of your achievements. nothing will ever feel like enough. ever. i did
three service projects in the last 5 months and i still feel like i havent done enough. think about it, how many medals will make you feel good. you got top 25 in circuit out of thousands of people, is that not amazing? that's at least the top
5%. medals? medaling means you made the
top 10%. yeah, that might seem great but youre facing the greatest in the country. do you expect to get top 10% everytime all the time against the smartest people in america? no. no one can do that. say that people can, but they can't. not every time. no one is perfect, but you are as close as someone might get to it.
and say you feel like you havent done enough. it's alright. we know how awesome and hard working you are. you might say "i havent worked in months, i always procrastinate". if what ive seen shows anything, you have worked very hard in the past and you are not doing very well with mental state right now. exceptions can be made. you are in
8th grade your grades can be explained. sure, it might hurt to get a B or a C but so what? a few Bs or Cs from 8th grade are not going to make a huge difference in the end. might hurt at first when you get the report card, but grades dont really matter in 8th grade. you might say "but steno, it still hurts when i get the grade" yeah, what'll hurt more. when you have crippling mental illness for years or seeing a few Bs or Cs on your reportcard. you make the choice. you might also think that what you have wont lead to mental illness! i thought that too! then i went to the emergency room! someone is always ready to help, and you found us. we are ready to help you, no matter what. you might not love yourself but i love you. does that make things weird because im a guy and im gay? do i care? no. we both know what i mean. i love your curiosity, i love your ready-to-helpfullness, and i love your love for learning.
after all this, you might still have doubts. i just hope this killed at least one of your doubts or hurt you even in the smallest amount. that would make it all worth it for me.
. water quality marine and estuary is my favorite (with dynamic planet oceanography in second), and i believe oceans are far superior to glaciers! (*cough* hugo *cough*).